|Posted by Andrea on August 29, 2011 at 2:25 AM||comments (0)|
Can I have the honor to say “I love you”?
I hope to one day hear you say “I do”
I’m waiting (waiting)
For this day,
I’m remembering our past
‘Cause I know this future’s fading (fading)
But we know it would never last
So here I am, crying (crying)
To save my happiness
‘Cause I can hear it screaming (screaming)
For someone to help
Oh, woah, but what can I do?
I know you’re waiting, too!
Waiting for the day I’m leaving (leaving)
Why is everything so unfair?
Just ripped away as soon as you get it
Oh, I guess this is my share
For thinking (thinking)
For believing (believing)
That you could brighten my days
But I fell into your games
I’m lying on the floor,
Broken and used
‘Cause you won and I loosed
In a game I wasn’t playing (playing)
But it seemed you hadn’t really won
Since you were cheating (cheating)
Only lying (lying)
I wish I saw it was an act
But I guess I was dreaming (dreaming)
‘Cause you weren’t seeming (seeming)
Like a chance for a mistake
Still, I finally found out I was wrong
And it didn’t even matter how much it hurt,
You weren’t good for me all along.
So look at my heart
Do you see it breaking (breaking)?
Can you feel how much it’s aching (aching)?
How it’s falling apart?
It’s ‘cause you were faking (faking)
But even though it’s such a horrible start
It was how my happiness was saved and began
|Posted by Andrea on August 19, 2011 at 3:30 AM||comments (0)|
I was always incomplete
Never had chakra
Or even a full heart beat,
And to make it worse
I was the less important half.
Always having to fake a smile
Or force a laugh
Because this world is too sad.
I was the half to make everyone mad,
Since it was always my fault
The one who was unloved
While others chose to ignore.
But I am grateful for what I have
And wouldn’t wish for more
Since all wishing does
Is make everything crash and burn.
This is who I once was,
Until the one wish I had
Eventually came true.
I went into another world
I made friends, and met you.
A new life, a new home
But my other half was still there
Ready to make my life unfair
And break me like glass,
Just like she always has.
She is the rain on my parade
Because grief was all she made.
And now she will take you away,
But no, as time went on
More than just my life
Was going wrong.
Revenge began to take you over
As power began to call.
And sure enough, you left us all,
Right when I realized how I feel.
This was one of those rare moments
That my emotions were real,
I couldn’t bear the pain of the bruises and dents
Or act as if I was fine
So I began to cry.
And as my other half comforted me
We began to combine.
Next thing I know I’m opening my eyes,
Having trouble knowing who I am
But as I look through my exam
It is slightly different than usual,
Yet what shocks me the most
Is that my heart beat is normal.
All that remains of my other half
Is a streak of red hair
And some of her personality is still there.
I’m not her or even me
So who am I supposed to be?
There’s so much to figure out,
A lot on my mind.
I try to move on like everyone
Yet it’s still you I want to find.
I’m looking for serenity
But a part of me is still searching for infinity.
I can’t seem to forget,
I don’t even think I want to let go
But now I don’t even know
How to live my life anymore
Because I’m not sure where I belong.
Here I’m not making progress
But I need to get strong
And the only reason to stay is friends
Which is completely selfish.
So now I’m just like you
Leaving my home behind
Yet they’re just too blind,
They don’t even realize it.
The man I’m leaving with can’t be good.
But the story he told me
Made me realize that you’re an idiot
Because the person you seek to kill
Was only protecting you.
I can see how it’s too good to be true,
It sounds outrageous, insane.
I can’t tell you, even if I wanted to
I’ll just continue on being alone,
Being a small, little lab rat
And trying my best to hone
The little talent I have
Along with everything I’m gaining.
But the honor of training
Under someone so strong
Is making me turn heartless.
Day by day it takes a little more
Because I don’t have my friends like before.
Is he a bad influence?
Well, he did ask me to come along
But it all came down to my decision,
And in the end, it’s still my fault I chose wrong.
|Posted by Andrea on July 2, 2011 at 1:59 PM||comments (0)|
I remember how strong my feelings were
How much I smiled when I thought of you.
In my head I would picture us together,
Even if it was too good to ever be true.
Everything you said made me laugh,
And your simple presence kept me happy.
But just as your life so easily cheered me,
It so easily broke me heart in half.
So after that, my feelings faded away,
Yet a small part of me wished they would stay.
It’s stupid, but do you realize how content I was?
There was always a smile on my face,
And, honestly, I enjoyed every part.
My friends teasing me all the time,
How I got nervous and turned tomato red,
Even when you broke my fragile heart.
If you touched me for end a second
My insides would bubble and churn
As I tried my very hardest not to react
Only to stiffen and feel my cheeks burn.
As I look back on my entire past
I realize that what I want is to feel this way again,
To have a person that gets me all anxious
And constantly acting mischievous.
I miss having a lame, school girl crush
Because of that never ending rush
That I get with every hello, chat, goodbye or text
I get excited with anything having to do with him.
But it’s over, and I don’t know how long until the next.
|Posted by Andrea on July 2, 2011 at 1:46 PM||comments (0)|
I miss the feeling of love
Being as light as air
And having happiness to share.
But I guess times change
And people don’t stay the same.
I want to have something to remember,
To be able to be together.
Time passes as my urge grows,
Because there’s something you have to know
You’re the one.
Yet deep down in my heart
I don’t who actually won,
Who I’m really talking to
But I bet that it’s you,
And you know it, too.
There’s always been something there
But neither of us would ever dare
To ask, “Do you feel, what I feel?”
It was easier to just brush it away
And pretend that it wasn’t real.
Now next to you I stand
Yet I’m not holding your hand
Because I’m the third wheel.
My feelings are all gone
But somehow it’s impossible to move on.
I’ve come back to land,
No longer so light,
No longer so bright.
I try my best to be polite
But there’s something not right.
She’s going to end up breaking you apart
And I’ll have to pick up the pieces of our heart.
You know, this is a horrible start
This isn’t how to mend
You can’t just be happy
Because we all know it’s only pretend.
She’s using you,
But, let me guess, you always knew.
Still, she did cheat
As you became obsolete.
Like I said, you’ll be in pain
And feel incomplete.
Let me tell you, you’ll feel dumb
And realize the idiot you’ve become.
But, it’s okay
Because you made me realize
That the person I’m talking to
Is right before my eyes.
|Posted by Andrea on July 1, 2011 at 2:01 AM||comments (0)|
I face everyday like I have no past,
Like today might be my last
Because all that counts is who I am now
And who I will be tomorrow.
So why do you need to hear about before,
I don’t have to tell you any more
Because there’s nothing else you have to know.
I am no mystery,
You know everything from since you met me.
There’s no more to tell
I have nothing left to say,
It only matters who I am today.
My history isn’t locked away
It’s just something that doesn’t have to be out,
That no one has to know about.
Just decide who I am
Based on what you learn from me
Because whatever you’ll hear
Is only a complete scam.
They’ll tell you stuff to make you disappear
But in reality you have nothing to fear.
My past is bruised and stained
So I don’t have to share
Because you don’t have to hear about my pain,
Don’t have to listen to me complain.
And since you were never there
I have nothing to explain.
Just use this time to figure me out
And you’ll see what you can discover
Only with the eyes of a lover
You can realize the truth behind the lies.
And it might come as a surprise
That underneath my tough exterior,
Loud laughter and wide smiles
I have an inside that’s inferior.
It has always been hidden and ulterior
Because it’s where I’m weak and fragile,
Here I’m delicate and frail.
It’s where my biggest secrets rest
Filled with every detail,
Constantly being suppressed.
Underneath, I really am depressed.
But I never expressed
Because I didn’t want to protest.
Yes, my body and mind would constantly ache
Yet I thought I wouldn’t be a bother
If I made my life a ‘perfect’ fake.
You found the truth,
You worked hard and dug deep for years
Only for me to breakdown in tears.
Without you, I wouldn’t know who I am
For I would’ve forgotten what was real.
Which part could still show affection?
Thanks to you, I’ll accept the section
That’s only an imperfection.
Now I can recognize my own reflection,
Be happy with who I see in the mirror
As my life becomes clearer.
Honestly, though, you’ll never know who I am
Because not even I know the whole story.
So, you can study you’re whole life
But when it comes to me, you’ll fail the exam.
|Posted by Andrea on June 28, 2011 at 9:18 PM||comments (0)|
Yes, you have met me
But there's another half
That's almost impossible to see
She's the one who's alone,
Stuck in the background,
Never meant to be shown.
But listen closely to hear a sound.
You'll hear her cry
And her whole whole body shake.
Only if you look closely,
You'll see that I'm the real fake.
|Posted by Andrea on May 7, 2011 at 3:38 PM||comments (0)|
I don't give a damn
About your messed up shit.
I'm not taking this,
I won't loose; won't quit.
I don't come over here
To take you crap.
I'll even throw a punch,
Not some weak bitch slap.
So I don't care about you.
I just don't give a fuck!
You're a messed up person
That finally ran out of luck.
I'll put you in your place
And show you what's right
Because the way your taking
Only starts up a fight.
Don't go around walking
Like your so badass
Or like you're all that.
Don't even think to harass!
I still don't care
Becuase of who you are
But the you of the past
Has gotten so far.
|Posted by Andrea on May 7, 2011 at 3:20 PM||comments (0)|
Why is something taken
As soon as it's given?
God, why have you forsaken
Me and no one else?
I know I'm easily driven
To go after my wants,
But it's so hard to awaken
From this nightmare
And back into my dream.
To you it may seem
Easy, but this scare
Holds my biggest fears.
Showing me weak,
And bathed in my own tears.
It brings out my fragile side.
The one who is meek
And every night cried.
Inside I am torn,
My heart; shattered and burned
But the saddest part:
I caused it all.
Why did the devil call
And tempt me with wrong?
I thought I was strong,
Or at least enough
To resist temptation.
But his persuation,
His words and charm
Got me to give in so quick.
Nothing rang, until my alarm
Went offonce it was done,
After he had his fun.
I was too weak
So instead he won.
Now I'm just some freak
Who's left all broken,
Thrown on the floor and forgotten.
I fell for his trick
So now I'm paying for it.
He watched for some time,
Making a careful pick,
Only then he chose to strike
And got me to do the crime.
Though I did like
Letting my guard down
The results weren't worth it.
So I lay here as I drown
In my river of tears.
All because of that mistake
I chose to make.
If only I didn't take
The wrong trail
And got lost in the maze.
I guess I always fail
Going through the hard phase.
I must learn my place
All over again.
First, there's this sin
That I have to fix
And this time I will win,
Even with all the complications
Tossed into the mix.
Now I know how to deal
With these situations.
All I need is time,
Time to work and heal.
Leave me alone, Satan!
You have already made
My nightmares turn real
And my last bit of
Confidence begin to fade.
Just leave me here
To die covered in shame.
I feel completely stupid
And totally lame,
As I desperately try to clear
Away all these errors.
I loose more faith
Because I make no progress.
As I do more,
The good becomes less.
Too good to be true.
My life was a dream,
And dreams stay dreams.
I hope the day comes
That I fully redeem
Myself with all the effort.
But I can never get
My "first" anything back.
My life is already set
By the destiny I created.
God once had me gated,
But I finally escaped,
Only to end up being raped.
I broke my parents' rules
And decided to sneak out.
This is when all is taken,
When I was completely forsaken.
The moon shone full
As I took the wrong route.
The man was ugly and cruel,
Slamming me against the wall.
My body went numb with pain,
Drops of blood starting to fall.
My tears pured down my face like rain
While my innocence was torn away.
I am ashamed about that,
Ashamed that I chose wrong over right.
I walked into his trap
Without putting up a fight.
Now, thanks to my mishap
Darkness is taking over my light.
The moon that shone bright
Quickly faded on that faithful night.
The stars began to disappear
As the sunrise came near.
My head throbbed,
While I lay there, beaten and bruised
As I quietly sobbed,
About being used.
|Posted by Andrea on May 7, 2011 at 3:18 PM||comments (0)|
Problems are what only came
Loosing everything through the years.
Nothing resolved, with all the same.
Being grown up; holding back tears.
Money starts to just disappear
As I have absolutely no place to stay
I wish my losses would just reappear
Because it'd be so hard to go away.
I end up on the crowded streets,
With my whole family suffering.
Freezing and begging for sheets
Over those extra sweets and treats.
I must somehow repay my debt
Since I used the money I never had
On stuff I wasn't forced to accept,
But the temptation was driving me mad.
I guess money really is a drug,
That is why people choose to mug.
But it isn't everything, only something
That to other things is close to nothing.
|Posted by Andrea on May 7, 2011 at 3:16 PM||comments (0)|
This is my happily ever after
But that doesn’t mean it’s a great end
Because I loved being so close
Yet wanted you more than a friend
Over and over I tell myself to forget
All the romantic feelings I hold
Each time I fail, making me fall harder
I wish I had went up to you and told
No matter how stupid you can be
Even if blind, it’s possible to see
Because it’s all super obvious
Yet I still don’t feel like I’m free
I wish you felt the same sometimes
Even though you don’t make me hurt
It can still be such a pain in the ass
To watch you constantly flirt
So, I got jealous, but only one time
And now I no longer am envious
Of that girl, who isn’t really all special
Because you managed fill my emptiness
I wish I could make you feel as happy
As you make me feel everyday
But that would be next to impossible
Because in my world there’s no gray
Still, this is my happily ever after
And officially I’m the only one winning
With you getting nothing in return
In a way, though, I still am loosing
I am so close, only a little too far
But that distance is enough to make
Me not able to achieve the great end
And put everything I have at stake
If I take that last, but huge step
I could ruin everything we share
Go down to not exchanging a word
Since I’m the only one that cares
Even though, I would be happier
If we were to someday become more
I want to thank you for all you’ve done
Because I am no longer falling to the floor
Crying, with my over used tears
Thank you, for banishing my fears
I’ll admit it, you could’ve gone further
And make my joy go beyond
The impossible it has already done